


To Save A Self-Destructor

by Jisatsu05



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Anorexia, Canon Divergent, Eating Disorder, No actual romantic relationships (unless you choose to look at it that way), occasional swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2018-12-19 21:09:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 13,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11906262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jisatsu05/pseuds/Jisatsu05
Summary: We're all used to helping the RFA members with their struggles, but this time, they are helping the MC with hers. This fic is going to show the physical and mental effects anorexia has on people other than the person diagnosed (mainly Seven). I wanted to depict Seven not as the hero I usually see him characterized as, but as a normal person reacting to someone they care about hurting themselves.





	1. Seven

**Author's Note:**

> This piece is already finished and I plan on updating it once a week. Feel free to leave constructive criticism or your personal opinions, but please keep harsh comments without a point to yourselves. Thank you and enjoy :)
> 
> Also I will be using a 24 hour clock just like in the game.
> 
> (Check chapter titles for POV)

Earlier today, an unidentified username appeared in the RFA chatroom. I automatically thought it was a hacker or some IA sent to distract our organization, but after investigating, I discovered the user was an average girl. She seemed normal aside from the fact that she was in Rika’s apartment. I looked over her information as soon as she was identified, and the members of the RFA decided it would be best for her to join our group and fill Rika’s old position.

The other members and I spent most of her first day explaining what she would be doing, the importance of her location, and a little about ourselves. By the end of her third or fourth day, she seemed mostly accustomed to everything. I’ll admit I was fairly shocked, but I figured it was a good quality of hers to adapt quickly.

I take a quick glance at the monitors which display Rika’s apartment. It’s almost 12:30. MC is sitting on the couch on her phone, her leg slightly bouncing up and down.

The sound of myself crunching on honey budda chips as I work resonates through my ears. It’s practically lunchtime, but MC hasn’t gone to get food from the kitchen all day. I understand it’s been awhile since someone lived in the apartment, but there should still be nonperishable items for her to eat so she doesn’t starve. Maybe Rika just didn’t have a ton of those types of foods. I’ll have Jumin tell driver Kim to bring more food to the apartment tomorrow to be safe.

 

I work throughout the night as usual, but the sound of heavy breathing pulls my eyes from one screen to another. I see MC exercising — push-ups to be exact. The clock on my phone says it’s 23:15. She should definitely be asleep by now, but she does her push-ups almost effortlessly as she focuses on her breathing. This must be a part of her routine for her to be so used to it. I wonder how strong she is. She’s petite, but she could probably kill a man. _‘I just hope it’s not me,’_ I chuckle to myself.

I’m seriously ready to go to sleep, but it’s my job to watch over MC, so I stay up and mindlessly work on less important tasks. Her workout continues at least another 20 minutes, but she eventually goes to bed at past midnight. “Finally,” I whisper. I save and protect everything I’ve worked on and head to bed. I’ll most likely only sleep for four or five hours because I need to make sure I wake up earlier than MC. Before I fall asleep, I pray to God that this will not become a routine occurrence.

 

A solid four hours of sleep. Not bad. However, by the time I’m back at my desk, MC is already up. How the hell can she live on less than four hours of sleep and still look decent — cute actually. I drive the thought out of my head and make sure driver Kim is coming over today. He should arrive at the apartment around 10 this morning.

Driver Kim does exactly that. He pulls up front and gathers some bags, bringing them to the door. MC and driver Kim exchange greetings, but then MC openly expresses how grateful she is to him. As driver Kim leaves, MC shuts the door softly behind her and she begins emptying the contents of the bags and places things where she thinks they best belong.

Still, after she is finished, she only grabs a green apple to eat. I know she hasn’t eaten in at least a day, maybe two, and it actually alarms me. Perhaps it’s just too early for her to eat anything too heavy? If she doesn’t eat anything for lunch, I’ll call to check in on her.

Everyone is in the chatroom talking about the day’s events and venting about their minuscule problems, but the entire time, MC never says anything about herself. She should be the one with a ton of stuff to say after all that has happened to her in the past week. I decide to take initiative, “How ‘bout you MC?? Do you have any problems more interesting than cancerous narcissism or hopeless addictive gaming? lol.”

Yoosung and Zen each express their dislike towards my wording, but MC simply replies, “haha, no. Everything’s been really great so far because you’re all so nice.” I smile and my stomach growls. My eyes flicker to the clock, 13:17. Lunch. MC is taking everything so easily it’s almost inhumane. I understand if she feels like she can’t show her feelings around us yet, but she has also been eerily calm about her entire situation. This along with how she’s only eaten an apple and other small items in the past two and a half days tells me something is weighing on her mind. I’ll call her after everyone leaves the chatroom.

“Zen has left the chatroom” ”Jumin Han has left the chatroom” ”Yoosung has left the chatroom” ”Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom” ”MC has left the chatroom” ”707 has left the chatroom”

 

Immediately after I exit the chatroom, I go to the dialer and call MC. She picks up quickly and says cheerfully, “Hey, Seven.”

“Hey,” I say back even though we spoke less than a minute ago, “Just checking in on you. Are you feeling more comfortable in the RFA yet?”

“Like I said in the messenger, I’m doing fine because you and everyone else have been so nice to me,” she insists.

I want to believe her, but I press a bit more, “Really? You don’t feel nervous around us? Also, is everything at Rika’s apartment okay? Enough sheets, enough food?”

MC chuckles, “Yeah, you worry too much, Seven.”

I don’t want this to seem like an interrogation, so I jokingly reply, “Well, that is in my job description, you know, haha.” I pause for a few seconds, “Hey, MC. Ya know, if you’re stressed about something you can talk about it in the chatroom, too. Don’t feel like you can’t just because you’re new to the group.” I keep my voice as playful as possible so I don’t freak her out as I continue.

“Seriously, Seven. Don’t worry about anything.” I want to say something else, but my mind goes blank. I breathe in, but MC begins talking first, “I’m going to go take a shower. Thanks for calling though.”

I guess it’s good she said that, because if that conversation went on any longer, it only would have gone downhill. “Okay, bye. Have a nice day.”

“You too,“ she exclaims as she hangs up. I turn back to the screen that shows MC. She doesn’t move from where she is at first, but she eventually heads towards the bathroom. There aren’t any cameras in the bathrooms — because I’m not a creep — but MC doesn’t go in. She stands outside the doorway looking in. Her right hand slowly moves to wrap around her left wrist and she looks into the mirror before turning around, running a hand through her hair, and deciding not to shower now. Instead, she brushes her hair and turns on her phone to listen to music.

I decide I should get back to work. Worrying too much will only make it harder to track the hacker who sent her. They haven’t been active and don’t seem like a threat, but I won’t know until I have definitive proof. I try my hardest to focus, but my mind occasionally drifts back to MC. Perhaps I’m paranoid because she is a new member. That’s the only reason I can think of to justify my thoughts. 

Our first RFA party since Rika died should be in five days.


	2. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm late posting this chapter, I know. ~~It totally isn't because I procrastinated on my summer assignments and did them last minute.~~ I still plan on posting again this Sunday (September 10, 2017)
> 
> Sorry if this seems slow, but I want a strong foundation for the rest of the story. Thanks for understanding!

I spent the next two days closely watching MC, however, I wasn’t exactly the best with time management and I had to work through most of the night in order to finish everything. 

The party is in three days. I can’t help but be concerned about MC. She must be extremely nervous about the party. Also, she still hasn’t been eating normally. I also noticed something else disturbing. It’s normal for everyone in the RFA to ask if the others have eaten — there isn’t exactly a reason; it’s just a formality that never went away between us — but every time someone asks MC if she has eaten, she always responds, ‘yes,’ whether she has eaten or not. If stress from her first party is giving her this much anxiety, we may have to cancel it. It’s not worth risking her health over.

I call MC again. I can’t allow this to continue. If she needs the party to be postponed or canceled, I will talk to V. I’m positive he would understand and he even expressed it himself when MC first joined. The phone rings, and I watch MC cross the room to get to her phone. “Hi, Seven,” she says as she picks up.

“Hiya, MC. Just callin’ to remind you the party is in three days. You aren’t too nervous are you?”

“Well, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous,” she states. I can hear it in her voice. The party is definitely taking a toll on her.

I try cheering her up by saying, “Try not to be. Remember,” I change my voice in order to imitate a hero’s, “Defender of Justice Seven Zero Seven is always here to help a person in need, haha! Make sure you don’t neglect your physical health either. Have you eaten yet?”

“Yup,” she exclaims cheerfully, “I suppose you’re eating honey budda chips and drinking doctor pepper. Right, Seven?”

I can’t stand listening to her lie. I’m sorry but I need to intervene, “MC, do you want to cancel the party?”

I can hear the shock in her voice, “Why would you say something like that? Did the hacker appear again?”

A sigh escapes my lips, “I know you’ve been lying, MC. You haven’t been eating properly I know because V wanted me to watch you through the CCTV cameras in Rika’s apartment. If the party is too stressful for you, we can cancel it or postpone it. It’s not worth risking your health for.”

She panics and it seeps into her words, “No, no. You don’t have to do that, Seven. Don’t worry about me. Maybe I am nervous about the party, but once I’m there, I should be fine.”

“Why have you been lying about eating?” I finally said it. It needed to be said. 

“Seven, I just don’t want to worry the others. Especially now that the party is so close to happening.”

“You should tell the others. It’s better to say your feelings if they are literally killing you. They won’t mind listening. Besides you’re always supportive of them… Oh, man. The boss dropped more work on me. I gotta go. Bye.” I leave so she can think about what I said. I’ve made up my mind without her. I’m canceling the party if she doesn’t eat and doesn’t at least mention that she feels stressed the next time someone is in the chatroom.

 

She never ate anything more than some grapes. She probably hasn’t eaten more than half of what she should be eating this past week. She never said anything on the chatroom. She never answered my call tonight. 

I talk to V and tell him it’s too dangerous to hold the party now, saying the hacker broke through a part of our security and may be targeting our entire system. V canceled the party and told everyone through the messenger. I lied to get this to happen, but there is a real problem. 

The RFA never got to meet up at the party, so MC stayed in Rika’s apartment longer than intended. I continue to watch her over the next week, and she only seems to get worse. She picks up less of my calls and still refuses to eat anything substantial. There isn’t anything that should be stressing her now, and I don’t know what I should do. She acts the same in chatrooms, and I’m almost positive no one else knows what’s going on. 

That night, I decide to go visit MC. I don't tell V, or Vanderwood, or MC, or anyone. 

I arrive at Rika’s place and knock on the front door. MC soon comes out. She sees me and is instantly shocked, “What are you doing here?”

“I obviously came to see you,” I say with a grin.

She can’t exactly tell me to go away because of her circumstances, so she leads me inside. I know the apartment well, so as she closes the door and follows me in, I offer to make dinner. Granted dinner is simply meat, rice, and greens. As I make the plates, she watches me from over the counter. “Are you anxious about something,” I ask.

“No, not really,” she replies casually.

I hand her a plate and we sit down. A couple of bites into my food, I notice MC hasn’t even touched hers. I mess with her a bit trying to lighten the mood, “Hey, I know I’m not the best cook, but you could at least try to appease the chef.” Maybe I can convince her to eat something.

She smiles and looks at me with mischief in her eyes, “As much as I would like to not displease such a talented chef, I’m sorry to say, I ate before you came here.” Her eyes look ready for a playful battle, but my heart drops.

“I don’t believe you.“

“Wha–” she begins to say, but I stop her.

“I don’t believe you!” I don’t mean to sound as harsh as I do, but I can’t stop myself. “You haven’t eaten anything real in a week. I doubt you did before I came here.” I’m not even looking at her. I know how to help with things like anxiety, but I have no idea how to deal with honest to god self-destructive behavior. 

“Seven, don’t worry,” she says, “You probably just haven’t been looking at the cameras whenever I’ve been eating.” Her voice is calm but her body is tense. 

“Then prove it to me,” I stare straight at her, “Eat the dinner I made.”

A flash of emotions crosses her face: fear, hatred, contemplation, but she settles on defiance. “Look, Seven,” she starts, “I already ate, I merely convinced you to make dinner for tomorrow. Anything you think is happening isn’t.”

I can’t stop now, “Just prove to me I have nothing to worry about. If you can do that, I’ll leave, if you wish.”

“You must have more secrets than me if you suspect me so much.” She takes one bite of her food to make a point. “So please don’t worry the others with something that isn’t true. If you are misinterpreting my actions like this, please try to reevaluate the situation.” She pauses and lowers her voice as she averts her gaze, “You’ll only be hurting yourself thinking the way you are now.” 

That’s it. I feel powerless. I don’t know what to do.


	3. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still Sunday, so I updated on schedule ;)
> 
> Enjoy and good luck to everyone who is now in school!

V comes on the messenger the next day and tells us that he is finally going to be in town again. Jumin convinced everyone that we should meet face to face. Everyone wants to see MC as well as each other. This is also a perfect chance for everyone to focus on our next attempt at a party. 

MC interacts with me like normal whenever we are in the messenger, but she rarely answers my texts or calls. I wonder what she’ll do when we meet in person again. No one knows that I have met MC in secret already. 

 

We meet at a park. There’s an empty field down one of the trails where we will be able to discuss RFA matters without worrying about anyone listening in. V, Jumin, Jaehee, Zen, Yoosung, and I wait towards the front of the park for driver Kim to drop off MC. 

I don’t know what to expect when she arrives. We have to act like we’ve never met before. 

Driver Kim arrives and MC steps out of the car. She is wearing a sweater and jeans. I think she looks nice in it. MC takes the time to greet everyone individually, and she looks extremely excited. Even when she comes to me, she talks about how she’s glad to meet me and says she likes my jacket. I try to act normal, but I feel like I completely failed.

We walk out to the field, lay out a blanket, and sit down. I’m sitting across from MC who is sitting between Jaehee and Yoosung. V brought sandwiches so we could have a picnic, and everyone grabs a sandwich and begins to eat. 

MC takes a few bites of hers but stops eating after that. I try not to pay attention. I don’t think I have the right to say anything, so I just keep eating as I listen to V talking about possible party dates. I won’t interrupt because I realize the problem MC is dealing with probably isn’t from stress about the party. 

It isn’t until Yoosung finishes his food does he ask MC why she isn’t eating. 

“I kinda forgot you all were bringing food and I ate at Rika’s apartment,” she chuckles. _‘Lies.’_ “I’ll take it home and eat it later.” _‘Another one.’_

“Okay, promise you won’t skip meals,” Yoosung says.

“Promise,” she says with her biggest smile. _‘No, you don’t.’_

I still haven’t decided what I should do. I know she has a problem. I’m almost positive she has an eating disorder, but I can’t force her to eat and telling others would only cause her to react worse. 

“Luciel,” V calls out, “what are you thinking about?”

My mouth goes to say the truth but instead I say, “Just thinking about the best way to make Elly the best star in the nation!” _‘Yes, nailed it,’_ I think to myself.

“Are you sure? You looked more confused than happy,” Jaehee says. _‘Damn it. Damn her perceptiveness.’_

“Well, you’d be confused too if you had to choose from two completely different methods. Elly’s popularity is a serious matter, ya know?” 

“That should be the least of your problems. First, you’d have to get through my bodyguards which will soon double in number,” Jumin says as he looks at Jaehee. Everyone laughs while Jaehee sighs. 

By the end of the picnic, it is decided — the next party will be held in two weeks and MC will be living in her own apartment. Tomorrow is the last day I will be able to watch over MC from the monitors in Rika’s apartment. I’m nervous about her living on her own.

 

MC is no longer living in Rika’s apartment. She hasn’t answered any of my calls in a week.

 

Our next party is set to be held in seven days. Over the next few days, MC gradually starts replying to my calls and texts — I personally think she’s becoming nervous about the party again. However, I have learned my lesson: keep the conversation casual. Asking MC anything more than if she ate simply encourages her to ignore me. 

Things aren’t exactly perfect between her and I, but I’ve been trying to make it work. I’ve always been really close with all the RFA members, but becoming close with MC hasn’t exactly been an easy task considering everything that has happened already. Eventually, the tension starts to become less noticeable. I enjoy that. Hopefully she becomes closer to me like everyone else, but… I may be saying that because I don’t know how I can help MC and I still can’t bring myself to tell the others that she could potentially be a danger to herself.

Honestly, I may also be killing myself by not telling anyone. It worries me that one day I’ll get a call. I’ll pick up the phone. Someone from the RFA will tell me MC fainted or won’t move. I’ll be petrified with fear. ‘She was sent to the hospital,’ they’d tell me. Time would stop. I would realize everything happened because I was indecisive. Then I’d realize that _I am the one who almost killed MC._

I just want to know what to do. I ask God to help me decide. The clock switches over to 00:00. Then it clicks and I whisper to myself in a shaking voice, “I’ve waited another day watching as she kills herself.”


	4. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> How does one do physics?

I check the date on my phone when I wake up a few mornings later. There are two more days until the party. Everyone in the chatroom is excited. It’s the same feeling of excitement that overcomes our group every time we are about to have a party. The familiar feeling feels like home to me and I’m sure it feels that way to the others also.

Entering the chatroom, I notice everyone is present except for V, though that isn’t unusual. Some people reminisce about the old parties while some of us talk about looking forward to this party or wondering how it will be different from our last. 

I stay briefly because I know a mountain of work is waiting for me. Putting down my phone I head towards my desk, but not even five minutes later a call notification leads me to at least look at my phone. 

MC’s number appears on the screen and I sit shocked. She has been taking my calls again, but this is the first time in weeks since she was the one to call me. “Hey, what’s up,” I answer as I take the call.

She doesn’t respond immediately. On the other line, I hear her struggling to breathe and I think I hear her crying. Panic wells up inside me, “MC, what’s going on? Are you okay?” I sort of forget to stay calm as I speak to her and regret it after. 

Her breathing hitches again, “Seven,” she starts. I don’t try to interrupt her. “I think I’m having a panic attack,“ I hear her struggle to say. She began to lose her voice towards the end, but I was able to make out what she tried to say. The sound of her hyperventilation reaches my ears. 

“O-Okay,” I stutter, “try to calm down.” I think of how stupid I sound for saying that. I’ve had a panic attack before, but I don’t get them nearly enough to be able to help someone else. I take a deep breath. “MC, look around you. Look for five things you can see in detail. Find five things you can hear. Then, feel five things around you — it’s best if they are different textures.” I pause before continuing, “Try to slow your breathing and get some water when you feel a bit calmer. Just, just tell me when you can talk again. I’ll be right here on the other line.”

Waiting, I listen to her breaths. At first, they are erratic and unpredictable, then slowly they even out and she doesn’t sound like she is struggling. “Are you feeling better,” I ask timidly. 

“A lot, thanks,” she says back. Though her voice is still quiet, MC continues by saying, “I’m sorry I called you like that. I didn’t mean to bother you.”

‘No. You worry me. You take too much on yourself and I’m glad you called. I never thought you’d call me again.’ I think to myself. However, I only manage to tell her, “You weren’t a bother. It’s okay.”

“How often do you get panic attacks,” I ask her.

“Not very often. Only a few times a month, but some are worse than others,” silence fills the air for a second. “How did you know what to do, Seven?”

“Actually, it’s something I read on the internet once. I rarely get panic attacks — only a couple times a year — but that’s what I do,” I tell her. “What made you have a panic attack?”

A pause fills the air before she answers, “Truthfully, the party.” 

I partially knew the entire time, but it's probably good for her to tell me herself. “Hey, cheer up,” I tell her, “remember, everyone from the RFA will be there to help you with the party. If you feel like you need help, you can call one of us to give you a hand.”

She doesn’t reply immediately, but a part of me wants to think a smile was on her face after hearing that. I guess I’ll never know, but that’s what I want to believe. 

“Thank you again, Seven,” she sniffled, “Is it okay if I hang up now? I feel tired.”

“Oh,” I breathe, “sure, get some rest.”

“Thanks. I really enjoyed talking with you, bye,” MC says as she hangs up. 

“Bye,“ I whisper into the already disconnected phone.

 

Before I know it, the party date has arrived, I’m putting on my best — actually, only — suit, and I’m opening the door to the party hall. Yoosung and Zen come jogging to the door to greet me as Jaehee, Jumin, and MC set out the final refreshments. Everyone was supposed to be early, so the first couple guests shouldn't arrive for another twenty to thirty minutes.

I smile and say ‘hi’ to everyone, then join in on preparing all the last minute details. When the clock tells us we have five minutes left before the official start time, we all head to our designated areas. Once all the guests are here, we can leave our posts, but until then it's our jobs to help the guests understand everything about our party.

Yoosung and I share a post for this party. We are helping each of the groups make business plans and help them use this party as a potential opportunity to become more known and, in turn, get more profits. Then when we invite them to the next RFA party, they will be inclined to make donations again.

One by one, groups of guests begin to arrive. I can see the entryway from here. While I talk to the guests I occasionally lift my gaze up to check on MC. She appears to be doing well, but I can see the tension in each of her motions. Unfortunately, I can't leave my spot to encourage her as I'm talking to a guest.

Glancing to my side, Yoosung has finished up with his guest and no one else appears to be coming over. “Yoosung,” I call out, “Can you come here?”

He quickly shuffles over to my half of the table. I'm currently talking to the group MC had titled 'hospital’ on our guest list. Now, I'm not exactly sure what Yoosung is majoring in, but I know it's something in the medical field, so I use that to bring him into the discussion. Turning back to the guests, I tell them, “I feel this man is more suitable for helping you find ways to advance further. I'd trust him more than myself when handling the material you work with.” I smile and thank Yoosung as I leave the post. Ours seems pretty dull now anyway.

MC’s back is turned as I walk towards her. She spends her time thanking some straggling guests to the party but another group comes in immediately after them. She doesn't seem any less tense compared to earlier, so I decide to welcome the ‘cultured citizens’ to our party. “Hello and thank you for coming to the RFA party,” I say coming from behind MC. She jumps, but I keep speaking calmly, “we hope you enjoy yourselves and find everything to be to your liking. Information lines are on the left, auctions are on the right, or you may lounge and wait for today's speaker.” I shake the hand of the person who appears to run the group and let them by. Meanwhile, MC watches my actions from behind.

Once the group enters she tells me my introduction was awesome. “How many times have you done that for you to be so confident?” She asks me.

I chuckle, “not many times. I'm not the coordinator so I rarely ever am the first one to welcome the guests.”

She’s intrigued, I can see it in her eyes, but she doesn't lose her composure. “That's amazing,” she says quietly before we sit in a comfortable silence. The noise of the commotion in the background is all we hear.

I take a seat off to the side, right behind the door, and offer emotional support as she welcomes the final few guests. Her last greetings attempt to mimic mine and she sounds calmer. Her movements are still tense, but she thanks the final guest before she and I head to towards the back with the other members.

Some of the guests arrived later than normal — most likely due to the short notice — so V will be making his speech in only a few minutes. We sit down and MC takes the aisle seat.

Soon enough, V takes his place on stage and begins his self-introduction. The party hall settles down and listens as V talks. He continues on for a while and eventually, he brings his speech to a close.

“Once again, I would like to thank you all for your generous donations. However, before everyone returns to the party, I would like to give my thanks to the RFA’s new party coordinator who made our parties possible again, MC.”

I glance over to MC and I see that she is shaking. Her hand gradually grows closer to mine, and she doesn't even ask before she takes a hold of it. I feel that if someone was on her other side, she would have taken their hand, too. I don't shy away and I let her calm herself before she makes her way to the stage. I give her hand a supportive squeeze.

Eventually the party ends. The entire RFA is excited to have had their first party since Rika’s death. MC becomes calmer when it’s just the RFA around her. Everyone surrounds her and she laughs as she is showered in compliments. “I’m so glad I’m able to help,” she exclaims. Zen wraps a hand around her shoulder from behind, Yoosung and Jaehee come in to hug her, and the rest of us file in. 

No one noticed it happened, but V had set up his camera. He made his way over and stood towards the back. Laughter filled the room as the resounding click of the camera filled the air. Each person’s face wore a toothy grin as they huddled around their new party coordinator.


	5. Yoosung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A POV that's not Seven's??

The following few weeks after holding the party, I meet up with almost every RFA member, but occasionally, I end up staying in the dorms to play LOLOL. I think I remember MC saying she was into gaming; maybe the next time I want to stay in, I should invite her over — she’d probably be a good asset to the guild I’m in. 

I continue thinking to myself as I accept a quest, and as the game page loads, an ad displaying the next tournament appears. I’m not sure how the LOLOL gamemasters heard my thoughts, but I’m excited that I get the chance to game with MC. 

The game loads and I think about the ad. Based on how it was advertised, the tournament should only last a couple hours. A perfect chance to invite MC over. I’d invite Seven, but he already said he’d be busy that day. Also, I’m not thrilled by the idea of him joining us just so he can crush me in the tournament.

I text MC and wait for her reply, “There’s a LOLOL tournament next weekend. You should come over to my place so we can win together!”

An hour or two later, I see the reply notification on my phone. I set down the controller and notice the time. Before I look at my phone, I decide to save my game, change, and fall onto my bed. Positioning my phone so I can see the screen. The notifications box tells me MC replied to my text. She seems excited!

The following week, I spend as much time as I can building certain skills and collecting items. I sacrifice school, sleep, and my already poor college eating habits. If I’m not prepared, winning the tournament will be painfully difficult. Losing a few days of sleep is worth the suffering. 

Saturday evening, I hear a knock at the door — I made a conscious effort to turn down the volume on my headset so I could hear it. Standing up as I pause the game, I yell, “Coming.” I quickly dash to the door and let MC in, “Awesome, you’re here! It’s been awhile since we’ve met up.”

She looks around the dorm, “It really has been.”

I lead her to where we’ll be playing and we set up camp. Some snacks, sodas, and blankets should do the trick. Besides, we’ll be situated here for a while. 

We practice together until it’s time for the tournament to start. The more we practice, the more I realize I underestimated her gameplay. She plays pretty strategically. I think I biased her to be only slightly better than the average girl on campus. Still, I knew it’d be a good idea to work with her. 

We already had it decided that during the tournament, we can aid each other to get further but only if healing the other seems worth it. If one player is in too risky of a position of help or the amount of time and supplies that would be used is insane, then it’s ‘See ya.’ Also, If we both make it to the end of the competition, all rules are off and may the stronger win. The winner of the tournament is recognized with glory and prizes, so if you want it, you have no choice but to fight for it.

She and I play for more than a couple hours before she, me, and one other are the only remaining players.

Oh, nevermind. A character with Seven’s username just appeared and took out our other competitors. “Dang it,“ I say angrily at the screen, “Seven said he was gonna be busy today, but I didn’t even think about him wanting to participate in the tournament.”

MC looks over at me and an evil smirk covers her face, “Gang up on him?” she asks me.

“Totally,” I say back already trying to put myself in an advantageous position. However, regardless of how hard we try, Seven is just too strong. There is a reason he is number one, but even with two awesome players against him, he doesn’t even give a little. 

Needless to say, neither of us win.

After the tournament is completely over, we quietly seethe as Seven gloats on the messenger about his victory. MC and I keep playing, but we focus on solving meaningless side quests. Eventually, MC steals a glance at the clock and pauses the game. 

Looking at me she says, “I think I’m starting to lose focus. Is it okay if I log out and hang on my phone?” I don’t understand why she feels like she has to ask, but I tell her, ‘sure’. She quits her game and readjusts her position. 

Not much later, I realize it’s past nine. It’s not horribly late, but MC should probably head home. “Hey, MC,” I call, “You shou–”

I turn to speak to her, but she is asleep. At this point, I have a mini-crisis — ‘ _Do I wake her up?_ ’ ‘ _Do I just let her stay? It’s her first time here!_ ’ ‘ _Would it be awkward or scary if she woke up here?_ ’ At some point, I decide to let her stay asleep. She doesn’t look comfortable, though. 

‘ _She can have my bed for tonight. I can take the couch,_ ’ I think as I go to pick MC up bridal style. Initially, a blush covers my face — the sole reason being I feel like I’m invading her privacy — but once I convince myself that she wouldn’t think that way, I notice how light she is. I know girls are supposed to weigh less than guys, and that I’m probably being paranoid, but something catches my attention.

Before I head towards my bed, I see MC’s phone still on the couch. The light is dimmed but it’s still on, and she is still logged into the chatroom. Overprotective Zen is there, too. He’s panicking and trying to figure out what happened to MC. I chuckle and almost regret it as MC shifts in my arms. 

I’m blessed that she stays asleep and put her to bed before I make any more careless errors. Falling onto the couch with a cozy blanket, I pull out my phone to console Zen and assure him that MC is fine. 

Unsurprisingly, when Zen learns MC is staying at my place overnight, he begins lecturing me. He basically threatens me as he tells me not to do anything to her, but once he calms down, we talk about random things until I feel like I’m about to collapse from exhaustion, and I tell Zen good night as I close the messenger.

 

When I wake up the following morning, MC is in the kitchen quietly trying to get a cup of water. She uses both hands to carefully shut the cabinet when I tell her, “Good morning.” MC jumps a little and turns her head slightly. 

Leaning her head against her hands and sighing, she breathes, “Geez, Yoosung. You scared me.” Traces of a smile appear on her face as she says good morning back to me. 

I stand up from the sofa and head to the kitchen. The closer I get to MC, the more flustered I feel about her having stayed here. “Oh, uh, um. Look, I’m sorry you had to stay overnight. I didn’t know if I was supposed to wake you or, um...”

Her laugh interrupts me. The pure happiness in that laugh is striking. On the other hand, I’m still extremely embarrassed and flushed. 

“It’s okay,” she says, “sorry for taking your bed.” After a second, my laughter joins hers. She and I are out of breath before long, and the awkwardness and tension that were in the room before are completely swept away.

 

“You’re already here, so you should stay for breakfast,” I say to MC. 

She stops moving for a second before turning to face me, “Don’t you think I should go now? I’ve already overstayed my welcome.”

“What do you mean,” I say back to her casually, “You fell asleep. You’re welcome to stay. Also,” I reach behind me to grab a prized possession, “I’ve been saving this bag of honey budda chips for a while, you want some?”

MC’s mouth drops as she eyes the bag. “How the heck did you get these,” she asks enthusiastically.

“The last time Seven gave me a couple boxes, I saved a few to keep for random occasions.”

MC continues to stare in awe as she tells me, “Yoosung, I couldn’t eat your honey budda chips.” I can tell she’s dead serious, “I mean, seriously, these things are legendary!”

I open the bag and hold the top out to her, “Seriously, have–”

“Nope,” she says curtly as she pushes the bag away.

“Okay, fine,” I tell her, “But you should at least eat something before you leave. Look around and see if my university student’s diet has anything for you to eat. Oh! Actually, you’re in luck, I think I have like one banana if you want some fruit.”

“Honestly, Yoosung, I’m fine. I don’t usually eat breakfast anyway. I should probably head home. Thanks a lot for inviting me over, I really enjoyed gaming with you.” She says grabbing her shoes. 

“Wait, MC. You said you don’t usually eat breakfast. You always say you do on the messenger,“ I pose this more as a question than a statement. 

MC raises an eyebrow and bluntly asks back, “Would you honestly want to hear Zen or Jumin lecture you about health each time someone asked you if you ate breakfast?”

“Okay, point taken,” I say in surrender, “You must eat a bigger lunch then, right?” 

MC and I are in the doorway as she turns away from me and says, “Yup!” Waving goodbye to me, she tells me to invite her over again sometimes. 

My mind slowly wanders, ‘ _she doesn’t eat breakfast. Maybe that’s why she felt light earlier._ ’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll upload 2 chapters today bc I didn't upload anything last week


	6. Jaehee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm proud of this chapter, and I hope it does not dissapoint :)

It’s been a couple weeks since I last got a chance to spend time with MC. After the party, most of the RFA members were able to indulge in relaxation, but the realization that Mr. Han has never-ending projects keeps me working for hours. 

I was able to carve five hours out of my schedule today — by sacrificing my sleep for the past two weeks — in order to meet with MC. We also plan to visit Zen’s later and watch some of his musicals. It’ll be a good way to calm down before my work suffocates me again. 

Simply thinking about the day to come overjoys me! I walk into the coffee shop and let crisp air flow in behind me as the door closes. I let the direction of the wind lead me to a table, and as I walk aimlessly, I see MC already sitting at a table beside the window. She looks up from her book and smiles before waving me over. 

Both of us arrive earlier than we had planned, but I ignore my surprise and take a seat. It appears MC already ordered my favorite coffee for me too. It’s amazing that she remembers such a tiny detail about me. 

“I got this for you, Jaehee,” she says gesturing to the cup, “How’s your day been?”

“It’s much better now that I get a chance to relax with you. We are still going to Zen’s later, correct,” I ask her.

She holds up her phone to show me its screen, “I already confirmed with him. Also, you said we should have time to watch two of his musicals, right. You get to choose one of them.”

“Why don’t we watch Tei’s Tea Leaf? We can reminisce over Zen’s earlier performances.” MC nods and starts texting Zen as I begin speaking again, “Which musical did you choose, MC?”

“Actually, I told Zen–” a slight buzzing from her phone interrupts her. She chuckles while showing me her phone again. “We will definitely watch Tei’s Tea Leaf,” MC says deviously. 

I read the message and a smile tugs at my lips, ‘I can’t wait for you guys to come over, but do we really have to watch such an old musical~~ Well if it’s what my princesses desire, I must obey their wish.’

MC continues where she left off, “anyways, I told Zen to choose whatever he wanted. He told me we’d also be watching The Red Pepper Was So Hot. He said we could watch it like a comedy and get a laugh out of it.”

We talk a while longer before I mention that we should leave. As we stand up, MC grabs her drink. I hadn’t noticed she was only drinking water. “MC, are you sure you don’t want to buy a coffee before we leave,” I ask guilty.

She looks at the cup in her hand before looking back at me, “No thank you, I actually bought one before you came in. Sorry for not waiting for you.”

I see her fidgeting with her fingers and her body language closes up. I suppose she feels guilty also. Hoping to ease her anxiety, I tell her, “It’s no problem, I’m just glad to have spent time with you.” Her shoulders relax but the rest of her body language tells me she is still anxious. 

We walk out of the coffee shop and make our way down the street. As we walk, I think about meeting MC at the party. She was tense then too. At first, I thought she felt overwhelmed because of the party — I still believe this to be true — however, since the party, I have also come to the conclusion she is introverted and becomes anxious easily. She is a quiet person, and I believe this is one of the reasons she and I are compatible, though, I’m amazed she and Seven have become so close. He is a prime example of extroversion, but they balance each other well. 

At my side, MC shivers and her hands are in her pockets. It must be too cold for her outside. Granted, the temperature isn’t too low. I reach into her pocket and grab her hand, hoping to warm her and to quicken our pace. It’s best we get inside soon and warm up.

Five minutes later, we arrive at Zen’s door and he rushes us inside. MC takes a seat in the corner of the small couch and she grabs a blanket to cover herself. I take the seat next to her and Zen puts on Tei’s Tea Leaf before taking the final spot beside me. The seating arrangement isn’t the best, but I ignore the fact that we are shoulder to shoulder as the performance starts.

Throughout the show, we relax, make offhand comments, and enjoy each other’s presence. After the end of the first musical, Zen gets up to change the disc and he brings snacks on his way back. I grab the bowl of popcorn and set it on my lap. Taking a few bites, I realize exactly how long it's been since I’ve last had popcorn. 

Slowly, MC reaches her hand over, so I move the bowl closer to her and we share. Though a couple minutes later, she stops reaching for the bowl and I bring it closer to me again. 

 

The musicals end, and I feel elated because I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in weeks. Turning towards MC, I see her already asleep. Immediately, I lower my volume and shimmy away from her. 

Telling Zen good night, we decide MC should stay at his place until morning, but when he picks her up, he pauses, “She’s really light.”

I look at MC in Zen’s arms. She looks extremely small, but I also know Zen is muscular and that doesn’t aid my perspective. I shake the thought from my mind, but I also realize she probably only had a snack at lunch and at dinner. She must have felt exhausted to fall asleep without dinner. Nothing manages to leave my mouth except, “She hasn’t eaten much today. Make sure you feed her a nice breakfast tomorrow morning.”

Saying my final goodbye for the night, I close the door behind me and feel the last of the warm air turn cold.

 

The following morning, Zen texted me saying that MC had told him she had a stomach ache. He couldn’t get her to eat more than some oatmeal. I hope she feels better by the end of the day, but a feeling of unease doesn’t leave me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things start to get more interesting in the next chapter or two :3


	7. Seven

It’s past midnight by the time I move away from my computers and slide under a warm blanket. The room feels oddly cold tonight. I open the messenger as I do every night, and my eyes are half-lidded. Yoosung and Jumin are the only people in the chatroom now, and Yoosung, I’m guessing, has titled the current chat ‘What’s up with MC.’

I lay momentarily stunted, and I immediately find myself worrying about MC. As I take a deep breath, I choose to scan the previous texts between Yoosung and Jumin before joining the chat. ‘ _Nothing major could have happened, right,_ ’ I think silently, ‘ _If it were anything major, Yoosung would sound more urgent._ ’

“Have you noticed MC acting strange lately, Jumin,” Yoosung asks. To this, Jumin only says his and MC’s schedules haven’t correlated well lately, so they haven’t had an opportunity to meet in person. 

What Jumin says makes perfect sense, however, I would feel calmer hearing his opinion. Especially because Yoosung hasn’t explicitly stated why he’s worried about MC. Furthermore, Jumin’s perception and deduction abilities always allow me to obtain a better perspective on a situation. It’s one of the reasons V considers the two of us a good pair.

Yoosung’s reply evidently shows his disappointment, but instead of wallowing, he tells Jumin about the events that took place when MC visited him. It’s the first time I’m hearing about them, too. I knew MC played in the tournament with him a few weeks ago, but I hadn’t known that even Yoosung had caught on to MC’s abnormal eating habits.

‘ _It’s so bad that even Yoosung can tell..._ ’ Just knowing that I let MC continue to this point gnaws at me. I can only think, “If Yoosung can tell, how much worse has she gotten since I’ve last seen her?” The last time we met was at the party almost a month ago.

Soon after Yoosung explains what he’s noticed, Zen enters the chatroom and mentions how she acted the morning after they watched Zen’s old musicals. Apparently, Jaehee had also told Zen that MC didn’t eat much that day.

A wave of anxiety washes over me. I don’t know what to think about the situation as I enter the chatroom. I feel guilty about hiding MC’s secret. I should be helping her. Though, she would hate me if I told anyone. On the other hand, she is killing herself. “Shit,” I curse to myself. This entire situation makes me feel trapped. I desperately want to help her, but I don’t know which is worse: destroying her trust in me or allowing her to torment herself. 

I don’t say anything when I first join the conversation, and eventually, Jaehee joins us and recounts her experience with MC at the coffee shop. Though she says something I hadn’t expected, “I believe MC struggles with anxiety.” She explains why she thinks the way she does and I realize she and I have come to the same conclusion. I think back to when I helped MC during her panic attack. I think to say something, but I can’t bring myself to do it. However, Zen then asks me, “Have you noticed anything, Seven?”

My subconscious urges me to tell everyone what I know. I understand that’s probably the best thing I could do, but exposing MC’s secret is something I don’t feel like I have the right to do. Instead, I stall for time, “I...” However, before I can finish my next text, I see the words ‘MC has entered the chatroom,’ and I take advantage of the opportunity to say, “I think we should let MC speak for herself~ I’d rather not be presumptuous.” This is mainly an effort to shift the conversation from me.

“Sorry, MC,” I murmur to myself.

“Oh;; It’s nothing serious,” she types, “I just haven’t felt well lately. I told Zen when Jaehee and I visited him.” She directs her next statement towards Zen, “You should have told them, so they wouldn’t worry~ I’ve been feeling a lot better since yesterday, though.”

“Glad to hear,” I send with a thumbs up emoji. Unfortunately, after that, I’m clueless of what to say. MC just dismissed everyone’s worries with a perfectly reasonable excuse. Me saying anything would only make things more complicated. Rather than stress over what to write back, I claim that my boss gave me another load of work and say, “see ya,” with a crying emoji before I exit the chatroom.

I can barely think straight because of the rampant thoughts in my head, but I focus just enough to send a private text to MC, “We should meet up tomorrow. 7 at the park?”

The next half hour I spend aimlessly scrolling through the internet for the sole purpose of not having to talk with anyone anymore. My brain can’t process much more. Once I think everyone has left the messenger, I log back in to read the final messages. 

One line of text is much more prominent than all the rest. It is not bolded. Nor is it in a large font. Or even with a glow effect. The text itself is enough to make any person shiver, “I picked her up to move her, and she felt too light.”

Zen apparently said that to Yoosung once MC left. 

What made it worse was Yoosung’s reply, “I moved her to my bed when she fell asleep at my place. I thought the same thing, but don’t girls usually weigh less than guys?”

“She was still really light, I’m worried,” Zen said.

Yoosung could only reply, “me, too.”

Even though I wasn’t a part of the conversation, it feels as if I experienced it first-hand. ‘Too light.’ Those words plague me.  
I can only imagine, ‘ _How little does she weight for Yoosung to say that?_ ’

A private message notification stops me before I completely log out of the messenger. It’s from Zen. Nothing could have prepared me for the words I was about to read, “Do you think MC could be anorexic?”

My fingers feel heavy, as does the rest of my body, and I log out without replying. I plan to tell him I was preoccupied with work.

Hours later, I fall asleep hating myself and wishing for the incessant debate in my head to end.


	8. Seven

My eyes still feel heavy as I open them. I reach for my phone and click the power button as I focus my vision.

‘Crap,’ I think. I’m supposed to meet MC at the park in less than thirty minutes. Chastising myself for not setting an alarm, or at least asking to meet later, I close my eyes again. My head sinks into the pillow, and I take a deep breath before pushing myself into a sitting position. 

The next few minutes are spent getting ready. I try to be as silent as possible, so I don’t wake Vanderwood. He doesn’t need to know where I’m going. However, I left him a present. I already finished most of the work I was given today. What I have left can be done in under an hour or two. More work will probably arrive before the end of the day, but I can do it tomorrow. Long story short, Vanderwood won’t have to worry about our boss getting mad at us because of late work. I sneak out of the house and start walking towards the park. 

Without anyone to talk to, my mind starts processing last night’s events again. I know I still need to reply to Zen, but I’m not sure how I should. By the time Zen wakes up, he’ll realize I’m choosing not to respond to him. I know MC is anorexic, but she hides it scarily well: taking care to eat something small whenever other people are around, masterful with excuses, and extremely gifted at acting.

She and I need to talk. I need to know what she thinks after everything that was said; maybe her answer would help me decide what I should be doing, too. 

As I walk towards our meeting spot, I see MC coming from the path opposite of mine. Standing a couple of feet away from MC, she tells me, “Perfect timing.” Smiling softly at each other, we take a seat. It’s where we always sit when we come here, the edge of the canyon. A lanky wooden bridge connects the two sides of the park.

A particularly dense tree grows near the ledge and its shadow provides a perfect place to rest. I swing my legs over the side and MC joins me. Not many people like to travel this far into the park, and those who do are usually frightened by heights or the bridge’s unstable appearance. We rarely encounter others out here.

We sit quietly looking at the serene view for a while. I take hold of MC’s hand. I’ve learned so many small things about MC and this is one of them. While she values her personal space, she also cherishes small touches like hand holding. She rarely has the confidence to grab my hand, but she will never shy away if I reach for hers.

We stay hand in hand, and I continue looking ahead, focusing on the detailed edges carved into the rock. I break the silence, “MC, what do you think about last night?” She saw all the messages, but she doesn’t know what Zen texted me personally.

A seemingly never-ending silence fills the air. “They’re worried,” she says. It’s obvious, but she is still trying to organize her thoughts. I don’t interrupt. “I’ll fix everything,” MC says, “That way they won’t feel worried.”

I’m scared to hear the answer, but I ask cautiously, “Are you going to ask for help?”I face her in order to see her response. She understands that I know her secret, but she trusts me enough to continue confiding in me. I don’t know if there is anyone else she trusts, that’s why I’m so adamant about protecting her secret. If I were to break her trust, I don’t know if she would have someone else to help her. 

“I don’t think so, Seven, sorry,” she whispers, “but I think everything will go back to normal in a couple weeks.” I know exactly what MC means. She will perfect her excuses, meet with each of the members more, and prove to everyone that she is perfectly fine. 

Holding on tighter to her hand, I ask her, “What if the RFA could help you?”

Her eyes show interest at first, but then something changes, “I think it’d be nice, but I also know that I could never change.”

“Maybe not alone,” I try, “but with everyone’s help–” MC cuts me off by lightly tapping her temple. I realize, ‘ _It’s the duality in her mind which holds her back._ ’

“Well,” I start, “What do we do now?”

MC looks at me sorrowfully, “We continue as if nothing happened.” Even without her telling me, I can tell she feels horrible. To her, it’s evident that the past few weeks have taken a toll on me as well.

“Seven, I’m really sorry you became involved with this,“ she says, but I keep her from continuing.

Keeping my voice calm, I say, “Even if you don’t want to, could you please consider telling the other RFA members?” Keeping this secret is killing me. I haven’t lost this much sleep in years and my brain always seems to be on overdrive. The others have the right to know, too, but I will not betray the trust that MC has put in me.

“Okay,” she replies, “I’ll think about it.”

 

The following few days I spend constantly watching the messenger, and day after day, MC logs in less and less. I keep hoping that she will say something isn’t right. She shouldn’t have to tell them everything if she doesn’t want to, but I wish she would tell us what she’s feeling so we could at least attempt to help her. Eventually, I private message her, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah… But I can’t bring myself to tell them,” is her reply.

Again, her visits to the chatroom become less frequent. Again, the RFA begins to worry. Again, I pretend to know nothing. Finally, at nearly 00:30, I start thinking that I need to talk to Zen.


	9. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will be posting today, tomorrow, Saturday the 11th, and Sunday the 12th to get this work back up to date. Mental illness has screwed me over these past couple weeks.
> 
> _Also, if any of my readers are struggling with an eating disorder (like I am), stay strong. I understand the hell you are going through, and I believe in you._

I know Zen is normally a night owl, but 02:00 is an ungodly hour to wake anybody up. In front of Zen’s door, I pull my jacket tighter around me and knock. He doesn’t answer immediately, but I wait longer considering he is probably still half-asleep. As I go to knock one more time, Zen opens the door and a dim light follows behind him.

His eyes widen slightly, “Seven, what are you doing here? It’s the dead of night.“ As he becomes more focused, he takes in my appearance. Now, I haven’t looked in a mirror recently, but he is likely stunted by dark circles under my eyes, loose clothes, and probably tousled hair. “You look like shit,” he breathes, “are you okay?”

I shrug with my arms still around me, “I haven’t gotten much sleep lately.” My voice comes out tired and heavy as Zen leads me inside. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the complete truth either.

He and I take a seat on each side of the small couch, but we angle ourselves so we are facing towards one another. At first, we sit in an awkward silence waiting for the other to say something, but, fortunately, Zen takes a hint and starts to speak first, “What’s wrong, Seven?”

“It’s nothing like that,” I say quickly, “I’m okay.”

“You really don’t look it,” is all Zen says. I’m sure being here and looking like I haven’t slept in days doesn’t help my case much.

Trying to find the courage to speak, I avert my gaze, “It’s just...” My thoughts trail. All the trust I’ve worked so hard to build, can I honestly destroy it all by telling Zen? My pulse is fast. Just like the last few months, I can’t think clearly. ' _Don’t leave her alone._ ’ The phrase plays on repeat in my head. 

I don’t realize I’ve stopped talking until Zen’s hand rests on my shoulder. Concern is etched on every feature of his face, “Seven, no matter what happened, you can tell me.” 

I’ve made him worry about me by letting him misunderstand the situation. More firmly, I say, “I swear, Zen, I’m okay.” After that, my voice shrinks again, “It’s just… I’m worried about MC.” Zen pulls his hand away, relieved that I am physically unharmed.

His voice is calm as he tells me, “I think we are all a bit worried about her, lately. She’s been busy and hasn’t had many opportunities to visit the chatroom.” Zen tries to soothe me, but after a pause, he asks, “Did you ever get my text?” My breathing hitches, but I try to hide it and make my breaths even again.

‘ _Yes,_ ’ I think to myself. “No,” I say questioningly, “What did it say?” 

“Well, uh,” Zen runs his fingers through his hair as he stutters. “Shoot,” he mumbles before reaching for his phone and tossing it to me, “Check my messenger.” It’s not optional. I open his messenger and plaster a look of shock on my face as I read the message I’ve read a hundred times before.

Zen and I sit saying nothing. He probably wants to give me time to reflect after reading such a shocking suggestion. Though, a few minutes later, Zen asks, “Do you think it’s possible? Do you think she could be anorexic?”

My headache becomes worse and it feels harder to concentrate. I groan as I pull my knees closer and rest my head on them. Zen must think he upset me because he starts waving his hands around as if they were erasing what he said, and he replaces it by urgently saying, “I-I mean, that probably isn’t what is wrong, I think I let my imagination get the best of me.” 

Zen’s flustered voice sounds too loud. I really need to tell him. Keeping this secret has been destroying me. Before my internal conflict can protest again, I decide that I need to stop stalling. I came here for a reason. I take a small breath and pray that MC will forgive me. My own muffled voice reaches my ears, “MC is anorexic.”

I suppose I didn’t speak loud enough because Zen asks me, “Can you say that again, I can’t hear you.” 

‘ _How can I force myself to say that again,_ ’ I think to myself, ‘ _Maybe this is God’s way of telling me to not say anything._ ’ I recognize that this is only the ongoing battle that I’ve had in my head for months. I have to tell Zen something especially because I am already here.

No sound comes out when I open my mouth. I look at Zen for support, but I can’t bring myself to say anything. Instead, I take out my phone and reply to Zen’s week-old text message, “MC is anorexic.”

Zen’s phone buzzes and he opens the message. Looking back to me after reading it, he asks, “How are you so certain?” 

A new text shows up in his private messages. I tell him, “I watched her through the CCTV monitors.” 

I see Zen think about my response, but then he has a moment of realization. “Shit,” he says, “You’ve known for months then, haven’t you?” I slowly nod my head. “This is what’s been eating you, right?” 

I nod again, “I’ve known for almost three months.”

 

I expected him to get mad because I hadn’t said anything. I let MC do this to herself. Oddly enough, Zen never got mad. He sat attentively as I told him everything I knew. The debate in my head didn’t stop. I yelled at myself for abandoning MC, but at the same time, it felt relieving not having to keep such a big secret alone. By the time I stopped talking, it was almost sunrise. I was still shaking.

Zen comforted me by pulling me into a hug, “Seven, I’m sorry you had to deal with it alone, but I have one question for you. Why didn’t you tell anyone sooner?”


	10. Zen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I binged today, so I felt like hell while proofreading this -_-

Seven doesn’t answer me for a few seconds as he attempts to figure out how he feels. When he’s come to a conclusion, he says, “I didn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to lose her trust.” His dark chuckle fills the room, “I guess that trust is ruined now.” A flash of emotions cross his face, and I can only imagine what he is thinking.

I feel bad knowing that Seven had to support the weight of such a secret for so long. He must have constantly felt on edge. I wish I had realized what was going on sooner. Seven shouldn’t have had to torment himself like this, so I tell him, “I’m sure it’s not like that, Seven. You just want to help her. She’ll understand that. Yeah, things might be tense for a while, but after she realizes we only want to help, everything will be okay.”

Without sparing a second, Seven retorts, “I’m too selfish for that. I came because I literally can’t keep this secret. It’s killing me.” He pauses before trying to reword his statement, “But I do want to help her! It’s just… that wasn’t exactly why I came here.”

He’s starting to freak out so I look firmly into his eyes and say, “Hey, take a deep breath and calm down,” I go on when he seems less anxious, “You did tell me because you want to help her.”

Seeing him doubt himself hurts me so much, but he continues on and tries again, “No, you don’t get it. I don’t have the right to talk about her secrets. I did this because–”

“You care about her,” I say interrupting him, “If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be so worried about losing her trust. You wouldn’t worry yourself over what to do to the point where you can barely sleep or think straight. You wouldn’t come to my house and ask for help unless you were certain you needed a second opinion. Whatever you are telling yourself, I need you to stop it and trust me.“ My tone softens, “You may have even just saved her life.”

Seven averts his gaze, and a calming stillness falls over us. Though, a second later, Seven breaks it again. In a voice barely above a whisper, he says, “She just wants to feel normal.” 

He sounds tired — tired of not being able to sleep, tired from everything he’s told tonight, and tired of not being able to help. Taking initiative, I stop stalling and tell him, “You know we have to tell the others.” 

“I can’t…,” he breathes out sounding defeated.

This doesn’t surprise me considering how much it took out of Seven to tell me. “It’s okay,” I say, “Give me your phone.” I figure the best way to contact everyone would be through his phone. No one questions orders from Seven. He logs in and passes his phone to me, but before I do anything, I tell him to get some sleep. I show him to my room, get him an extra blanket, and close the door behind me.

Heading back to the living room, I open the messenger and decide it’s best to avoid the chatroom. I decide I’ll privately message each of the members, so I check who’s in the chatroom without actually going in. Jaehee and Yoosung. ‘This is perfect,’ I think to myself. Jaehee can tell Jumin and Yoosung will get the message as soon as I send it. Backing out of the chatroom, I send an identical message to everyone but MC reading “Everyone come to Zen’s house. Don’t tell MC.” I’m hoping that using Seven’s phone will make them hurry and not ask questions. 

 

Thankfully, choosing to use Seven’s phone was good judgment on my part and everyone came quickly. By 7:30, Jaehee, Yoosung, and Jumin were here. No one seemed particularly awake, but that’s the least important issue at the moment. 

“Look, guys,” I start, “I know it’s early and I’m sorry”.

However, Yoosung looks around and realizes that it’s only the four of us, “Wait, Seven isn’t here yet. Shouldn’t we wait for him?”

I take a breath, “Well, that’s the thing.” I relay to them everything that Seven told me and that I was questioning the possibility myself. I show them my text to emphasize the point. They know he’s in the other room, hopefully getting some sleep, but I still don’t think they understand how hard he’s had it. None of them have seen how battered he looks. 

While thinking about Seven, I realize there’s still something I need to tell everyone, “Seven’s also really scared that MC will hate him for telling us. That’s one of the reasons why he hasn’t.” Running my hand through my hair, I continue, “I think our first priority should be to talk to MC. We can’t make any progress without talking to her.” Nodding heads show that we are in agreement. 

Glancing at the clock, I ask if they want to go now while we already have everyone together. Yoosung doesn’t hesitate to agree and Jaehee says she already cleared her and Jumin’s schedule in case something important happened today. She apparently didn't want to take a warning from Seven too lightly. 

I stand up and walk quietly towards where Seven is sleeping, and tap his shoulder, “Wake up, Seven,” I say still trying to keep my voice low, “We’re going to MC’s.” 

It’s obvious, his body still feels heavy from exhaustion, but he pushes himself up and rubs his eyes, before putting on his glasses. I have Seven join me in my car — not trusting him to drive — and we are on our way.


	11. Yoosung

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap, new perspectives 0.0  
> Also, wrote 2500 words of another story for nanowrimo (totally not like 4 days behind)

As we walk towards MC’s doorstep, it's easy to see how stressed and anxious Seven is. I look to his side and see him tugging at the end of his sleeves. He leans closer to Zen to whisper something in his ear, so I listen closely. 

“Zen, she’ll hate me,” I hear him say. 

“I promise you she won’t,” Zen whispers back.

It’s still hard for me to believe that no one noticed Seven or MC struggling. Of course, I was concerned when I was with MC, but I never thought it was this serious. Honestly, I thought I was just paranoid. However, knowing that I hadn’t noticed anything wrong with Seven makes me feel like a horrible friend to the both of them.

Zen walks up the few stairs and knocks on the door. Seven stands next to me practically hiding behind Zen. A few moments later, MC peeps out from behind the door before opening it completely. Surprise shows on her face as she begins, “Oh, hey, guys.” She looks down at her baggy shirt and sweatpants, wraps her arms around herself, and shifts her weight slightly as she continues, “What are you doing here?”

Jaehee takes initiative, asking lightly, “May we come in, first?”

MC, still surprised at our sudden arrival, moves out of the door while wearing a smile, “Of course.”

 

After pulling out a few extra chairs, Seven sits between Jumin and Zen while MC sits between me and Jaehee. 

Rather than Zen explaining everything to MC like I had expected, Jaehee turns towards her and starts. Her voice is calm and collected, but the more Jaehee explains, the more frantic MC’s eyes become. Instead of seeming bright and inviting like when we first walked in, she becomes more tense and panicked. 

I see her eyes drift towards Seven. Once she catches his gaze, his eyes widen while hers appear to be pleading with him. Jaehee stopped talking about a minute ago, so she speaks up to regain MC’s attention, “MC, are you okay?” MC glances at Jaehee before looking back to Seven. Her eyes are glassed over as if she’s about to cry. 

Seven tries to speak, but his voice cracks, “I… I’m so sorry, MC.” He feels destroyed, it’s evident. MC’s eyes go cold for an instant before she stands up and walks quickly away from the group. Before I can even think, I get up from where I am seated and run after her.

When I catch up to her, I reach for her wrist. We are in another hall where it’s only the two of us. “Please stay,” I ask her, “I promise we aren’t trying to antagonize you. I just want to help you feel better. It’s what the others want, too.” I hug her softly and feel her tense, “Even if you don’t want our help, can you at least listen to what we have to say?” 

With her head still leaning into the crook of my neck, she nods slowly and says, “I will.” She pauses before saying, “But I promise I’m okay.” 

I hear someone else’s footsteps come from behind me. Zen slows down next to me and MC as I pull away from her 

Zen faces her. “Hey,” he says gently, “I’m not sure how you feel about everything right now, but I think you should know that Seven is worried sick. Please don’t be mad at him. He thinks you’ll hate him for what’s happened. If you hate anyone, it should be me. I told the other members.”

MC promises that she doesn’t hate anyone and heads back to the others. She takes Zen’s seat next to Seven and takes a hold of his hand. He had been avoiding her gaze, but this causes him to look at her and she flashes him a bright smile. I’m pretty sure I see him tighten his hold on her hand.

 

‘ _MC just wants to feel normal,_ ’ I remember Zen telling us that. 

It honestly looks that way, too. She is earnestly trying to compromise on a way to help her recover, but it seems to me like her desire to recover is as great as her fear of it. I see her weighing her options every second, but she’s struggling to make progress. 

For now, we decide that MC should try to eat each meal with someone else. We’ll be able to help her prepare a healthy meal and it’ll help us keep track of what she’s eating. No one plans on forcing her to eat; we hope eating with us will allow her to calm down and realize that food isn’t as bad as she may be perceiving it.

Everyone mainly wants to leave the choices up to her; though, we plan to support her along the way, of course. With a bit of support, I know we can help her become her best self. We don’t expect this to be easy, but we are all willing to do whatever it takes to be a positive influence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **PLEASE READ**
> 
>  
> 
> I feel like now is a good time to say these things:  
> 1) I have never been through recovery  
> 2) Recovery will NOT be as heavily focused on because this story was mainly created to capture the effects of an eating disorder on a second party (and because I think we've read those stories 100 times)  
> 3) The MC's height and weight were never disclosed because I do believe that any person can have an eating disorder regardless of BMI
> 
> Thank you for reading my story up to this point, and I sincerely hope you have enjoyed it. I will be uploading two chapters tomorrow (due to their short length) and I will post the FINAL chapter this Monday.
> 
> Again, thank you for sticking with the story this long. Stay safe everyone and know that I care about you — yes even _you_.


	12. Jaehee

I may not have been the best example of proper eating, but eating with MC and taking proper breaks has helped me to eat better and, in turn, set a better example. It’s been more than a month since we’ve started eating with MC and about two weeks since she and I have started doing judo together. 

The first week everyone became involved, it seemed as if there was no progress at all. We were prepared for that, but it still hurt to watch her struggle.

Now, there are still days when she simply can’t bring herself to eat, so I simply tell her, ‘It’s okay. Why don’t I try to cook you something in an hour?’ Everyone’s done their best to be understanding, but when she starts to cut her food into pieces, drown out her hunger with water, or obsessively bounce her leg, it’s heartbreaking.

However, lately, if she’s noticed that she’s doing these things, she’ll try to stop herself. In everything MC does, it’s obvious that she wants to heal. This doesn’t make every day perfect. It just makes every day more bearable.


	13. Jumin

About one week ago, we decided eating each meal with MC was no longer necessary. Of course, we all continue to give our best efforts to meet her as often as possible. 

It appears she frequents eating with me. I suppose it must be because of my professional chefs. They always provide perfectly balanced meals, and if desired, they can explain why each part of the dish is beneficial to the immune system. It must give her comfort. I will admit, I enjoy dining with her because I know she is well taken care of, however, she is also amazing company. We get along well contrary to what Zen may think. MC is understanding.

We haven’t had dinner together in almost two weeks.

Reaching for my phone, I see I have a message from Seven, “You free tonight? MC told me she’s falling back into old habits fast. I want to meet her, but I’m drowning in work.” Without hesitation, I open the dialer and call MC. After asking her if her schedule is open tonight, I invite her to my place for dinner. Her response comes through the phone and gratitude is audible in her voice. I quickly respond to Seven before preparing for tonight.

 

That night at dinner, MC lowers her utensils and raises her eyes to meet mine. She starts, “Can I talk to you about something, Jumin?”

“Of course,” I say back. I put down my utensils as well to indicate that I’m giving her my full attention.

“It’s just,” her voice starts out low, “I’m not sure I can ever recover from what I’ve done to myself.”

Staring straight back at her, I ask why. “You’ve progressed so much already. I’m sure you’re capable,” I say. A small smile accompanies my words.

“I really haven’t,” she says with her hands in her lap, “It’s only been a week since everyone’s started going back to their normal lives, but I’m already restarting to do everything that I’ve been trying so hard to quit.” 

To me, it seems as if she feels she’s been defeated. I tell her confidently, “That’s okay. I think you are progressing fine. Even now,” I gesture to her plate, “It looks to me that you are already eating better than you were a couple months ago.”

“It’s because I’m eating with you,” she states, “I’ve gotten used to eating better when I’m with someone from the RFA.”

“Would you like to start eating with us again?” I ask her.

“I’d love to,” she starts, “but I can’t have you all throw away your lives just to babysit me.”

“We’ve made it work so far, I’m sure we could do so again.”

She smiles and averts her gaze slightly, “Thank you, Jumin.”


	14. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I... I actually finished writing something. Now to keep working on nanowrimo lol

It’s been two and a half years since I first met MC. I never thought I’d become so close with someone I once thought was going to attack our organization. To us, there’s no better way to celebrate our time together other than to hold another party. 

In front of the mirror, I finish getting ready and smile excitedly before turning away. As I pick up my phone to leave, it lights up with notifications from the messenger. I open it up and see everyone in the chatroom. The most recent text is from MC, and it says, “I’m really glad I met all of you, and I know I probably say this a lot, but thank you all for helping me get better. I’ll never be able to thank you guys enough.”

As we assure her that it’s nothing — that we would do anything for her — I get in my car and start driving towards MC’s house. Today, she and I are arriving at the party together. 

 

I knock on the door and step back as I wait for her to come out. When I see her, I’m in awe and I tell her, “You look amazing.”

“Thanks, Seven,” she beams, “You look dashing, too.” 

“Shall we?” I ask offering her my hand 

She happily accepts, “We shall.”

 

During the drive to the party, I find my thoughts wandering. This life isn’t perfect; I’ve known that for as long as I can remember. There are days that are harder than others and days where you need a shoulder to lean on, but there are also days like today, where everything feels surreal — as if you’re living a dream. These are the days the RFA strives for. As for the days that aren’t like this one, well, we have each other to keep the party alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **PLEASE READ**  
>  I warned y’all the emphasis wasn’t on recovery. I find it hard to write considering I’ve never experienced it.
> 
> Also, most people who do recover from an eating disorder do not completely recover (especially in this short amount of time). Most days are a battle against the logical you and the sick you. Recovery is just supposed to make it easier to listen to the logical you. 
> 
> If you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. Just leave me a message. 
> 
> For the final time in this story, thank you for being an amazing audience. Take care of yourself, and I’ll see you in the next story.


End file.
